One popular cultural myth is the one that honours coupledom and connection with others to find love. Yes, that is important, but also equally important is the ability to make time to love and honour myself: not just what I look like and sound like, but also what I think, what I feel and what I believe.
I love this quote from Louise Thompson (wellness coach and author), “The story you tell about yourself, to yourself, defines your life”. Since the thought patterns that run us are frequently habitual, deeply ingrained and almost invisible in the chatter that fills our brains and drives our day to day actions and reactions, I need to make time and space to figure them out. The question “What am I telling myself?” is a very important question to answer. And the next question is “How do I find this out?”
Putting love and aloneness together may sound very odd to start with. But how else am I going to find any answers to these two important questions? And yes, they are important. Incredibly important. I do want to know what it is I think about the way I feel, and why it is that I believe what I believe. Without time by myself to ponder the answers, how will I ever know if this is me, or if it’s simply what other people believe and I repeat.
Knowing what my thoughts are telling me and directing me to do is both enlightening and empowering. If I’m not happy with the answers I’m getting, at least I get a shot at changing them.
And once I am happy with them, they keep me safe as I grow, from within myself to outside of myself. They give me deep roots to draw on, the ability to love while I am alone and the ability to be safe with myself by myself and to learn to like me, to love me and to enjoy me.
Time to recharge: to spend 5 minutes walking along a bush track, to take a bath, to write in my journal and to value the purpose of this highly enough to make the time to do it. After all, if I don’t put any priority on me, what is the message I’m telling myself?
Why is it ok to workout your muscles at a gym, but it’s not yet acceptable to work out your brain? The more this process is loved out loud the better it will be for myself, my connections and my world.
The popular cultural myth about coupledom being a prerequisite for love is one I question. Social media like to portray happy couples living their life to the full but I say that unless I’m a happy single I’m never going to make up part of a happy couple. As part of my journey to learn to love myself I recognise that it is more important than ever to spend time alone with myself without feeling anxious or selfish about being alone.
From this place of comfort I can really relate to other people. The more at home I am with my own aloneness the less needy I am, the less demanding and the more able to relate to others compassionately.